Injury part 3: ways to stay positive

It’s not easy to remain positive when you’re stuck indoors and barely able to walk. So here are some of the things I’ve been doing to look on the bright side

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I am struggling with this injury. There have been times of utter despair, of endless tears, of feeling like I’m never going to recover. As someone who’s generally very active, enforced inactivity is hard; constant pain is even harder. And sometimes it really does feel like I’m going to be like this forever.

It’s not always dark, and some days are much better. I try to stay positive and here I’d like to share some of the ways I manage to – and just maybe they’ll help others going through similar experiences.

Keep busy
This is the obvious one: occupy your mind and you won’t have time to dwell on what could go wrong or why it’s taking so long to heal. It’s also easy. There is an incredible number of things to do without ever leaving the sofa.

Netflix seems to be making an awful lot of original sci-fi series, which is great for me. I’ve already watched all of Brazilian dystopian show 3% and The OA. The former was excellent; the latter was weird. I've got The Expanse lined up for next week. I’m not as impressed with Amazon Prime Video. It won’t, for example, let me ‘rent’ Top Hat, so in order to watch the film I have to buy it for £13.99, despite paying for the service. The second series of The Man in the High Castle is available, though, and I will watch that.

I’m also knitting, reading, colouring and designing a website. I’ve got more than 400 books on my Kindle and I’ve almost finished knitting an insanely complicated shawl. I’ve probably got more colouring books and pencils than I can use in a lifetime.

This is Dawson, the bike I was riding when I came off.

The website is called Ride Guides and I’m designing it using WordPress, which has involved learning how to use WordPress. I found this quite difficult and have had to download a few beginners’ guides. It’s been quite a steep learning curve, but it’s also been fun. There are still some things I need to figure out, but I hope to launch the website soon – watch this space!

Mindfulness
When I first started hearing about mindfulness I thought it was new age hippy shit. But then I realised that dismissing something out of hand was as bad as accepting it without question, so I did some research. It turns out that there’s a huge body of work showing that mindfulness can be very helpful in treating conditions such as anxiety and depression. It’s been used extensively by cognitive behavioural therapists in the States.

So I gave it a go. There are several apps out there that offer free trials of their guided meditations, and I’ve tried two. First was Headspace, which I didn’t really get on with. But then a friend recommended Calm and I gave the Seven Days of Calm free trial a go. I liked it so much I subscribed – the only app I’ve ever paid for. I’m currently working my way through the 21 Days of Calm programme. I used the Emergency Calm mediation in hospital when I was in a blind panic about having surgery. It really did calm me down.

I find it very hard to switch off my brain. I’m constantly thinking about past conversations or planning future ones, which leads to all kinds of feelings of anxiety and inadequacy. Mindfulness helps this.

Stay connected
It seems to be very trendy to bash social media at the moment and there are any number of self-congratulatory articles on The Guardian in which the authors make themselves feel superior to the rest of us by giving up social media. But I love it. While I was in hospital Facebook gave me a much-needed lifeline to friends who kept me feeling positive, who offered the right combination of humour and support. Twitter keeps me connected to the wider world.

I need my friends, and Facebook and Twitter mean that it’s almost like they’re with me in my living room even though in reality they’re all over the world.

Gratitude list
I wrote a list of all the things I’m grateful for related to the accident. Things like the injury not being much worse, which it could have been, and The Chap being self-employed and working from home, which meant he was there to take me to A&E and could stay with me the whole day. I read it back to myself when I’m feeling particularly down.

Silver lining
The idea of this is to identify some positive outcomes from a negative situation: find the cloud’s silver lining. This is really something that needs to be done in retrospect, after the good effects have become a bit more obvious. One thing I can say, though, is that I had previously been feeling incredibly stressed at work. After three weeks off and a couple more to go, all that stress has disappeared.

Future cycling self
This is adapted from a mindfulness task in which you picture your best possible future: your ideal job, relationship, friendships, home, hobbies and so on and then write about it all for 15 minutes.

It’s not easy getting out of the house when you’re recovering from an operation, but if you can, do it

Instead of concentrating on my fears that I’ll never be able to ride a bike again, I pictured my future cycling self taking part in one the long-distance sportives I love so much. I imagined how it would make me feel: all that joy and freedom, the achievement of crossing the finish line, the shared experience with thousands of other riders, the pride in taking part in such a big challenge.

I wrote it all in my notebook and this is another thing I can refer to when I’m feeling down.

Getting out and about
I can’t overstate the importance of this. Since coming back from the hospital I’ve been out of the house four times (not including trips to the GP). Each time has meant increased pain both that evening and the following day. It’s been worth it.

Three of these trips out have been to a local coffee shop called Today Bread. It’s not even five minutes walk away under normal conditions; on crutches it takes me 15 minutes. But it’s got huge tables and plenty of space so I’ve got lots of room to sit with my leg stuck straight out. It’s also got lovely food. Just going there for a coffee has improved my mood considerably.

It’s not easy getting out of the house when you’re recovering from an operation, but if you can, do it. It really does help.